Bad dreams and looking towards the year ahead

I had a bad dream last night. When I wake from them, I always feel an overwhelming amount of anxiety. This morning I gasping for air and crying while trying to stir myself awake. And when I did wake, I decided not to go back to sleep. So this morning, I am starting off with a morning working at Starbucks. I still haven’t really caught my breath, but things are looking up.

The thing with my bad dreams – someone I love always dies. I don’t have these dreams very often but when I do, I always think about them throughout the day. Yesterday marked the first anniversary of my grandfather’s death. Maybe that’s why I had a bad dream? 2011 was a terrible year in the death category for my family. I think about 2011 and I think, “That was a terrible year.” I know, it just passed, but man….that was a terrible year. My grandfather got sick on Christmas and died the first week in January. My grandmother, out of nowhere, died on Thanksgiving. I’ve seen my fair share of deaths in the past year and I’m still not over it. When my grandmother died, I told my mom I hadn’t finished mourning my grandfather. I guess it’s another year of mourning for me but hopefully this year it won’t get interrupted by another death. You hear that people I love?? No more dying!

An amidst all the death and sadness, there were some good things that happened last year. Sara and Robert got married, Matthew and I bought our first house together and began making it our own, Matthew started seminary and I had a very busy photography schedule. So…cheers to a happy, healthy and deathless 2012! And people I love…stop sneaking into my dreams at night!

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